Monday, April 12, 2010

Choosing post #1

I know I have written about this before, but here it goes again. I plan at least one other post about choosing.

a quote from John O'Donohue from the book Exploring Our Hunger to Belong pg 91 (Paragraph breaks mine)

The Addiction of Distraction

"Choice becomes an invitation to commitment. When you commit, you deepen presence. Though your choice narrows the range of possibility now open to you, it increases the intensity of the chosen possibility. New dimensions of the chosen path reveal themselves; a new path opens inwards to depth and outwards to new horizons. You choice has freed your longing from dispersing itself over a whole range of surface.

When we avoid choice we often become victims of distraction. Like the butterfly we flit from one flower to the next, delightfully seduced by its perfume and color. We remain secretly addicted to the temporary satisfaction and pleasure of immediacy."

"When we choose a definite path or partner, we leave the endless array of beckoning surface. We go below the facade of repetition and risk the danger of encounter, challenge and responsibility. When you choose with discernment, integrity and passion, you submit yourself to the slow and unglamourous miracle of change."

I love this quote. I have been addicted to distraction for a year now. Hopping from one house viewing to another. Hopping from Charlestown, Nelson, Walpole NH, to Vermont to Northfield, Mass, to the entire length and width of Cape Cod. I have avoided the commitment of choice. I have kept on the surface, enticed by the glitter of the next one and the next one. Like eating a container of Pringles. Over-stuffing myself with options. And driving myself to near madness and breakdown through the process.

I like the way O'Donohue speaks of the "unglamourous micacle of change." It does feel unglamourous to buy a house with ants and shoddy appliances and ragged roof. It is hard to see beyond these immediate needs to what it will be after sprucing up. It is not my imagined view of what my new home will/would be.

I have to go cold turkey and get detoxed, end this addiction. Make a choice, any choice, and get on with my life which has been on hold. Fine words but can I carry through?


marianne said...

Of course you can, when the time is right!

Wonderful post Suki!

m. heart said...

That quote definitely spoke to me.

Robin said...

Dearest Suki,
Gosh, how I feel your turmoil....I have spent many a sleepless night the past year.... nothing is worse....

This quote really captures part of the reality of your life - as it currently is. You know, YOU may not see yourself growing in strength and decision making - however, your Blogging Family is a slow process.. and a hard one..but after your last few years, you are gently unfolding like a blossoming plant...the colours are emerging - and this year, you will be in FULL BLOOM! I can feel it...really.
(And I don't say those things often.)

Sending you a big hug and love,

♥ Robin ♥

Blue Sky Dreaming said...

Thoughtful post Suki and you are so honest...concerning your doubts about following through. Have you started looking again or are you taking a rest between searches?
Loved your collages last post!

Cris, Artist in Oregon said...

There is that old saying...
If at first you dont succeed then try try again.
Prices wont be low forever.

Annie said...

Great quote. You are learning and you will get there. be kind to yourself and listen to your inner voice. Wishing you much luck and love.

Lynn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lynn said...

I love Cris' pragmatic comment! ;-)

I think I have spoken to all aspects of this issue.

I feel for your struggle.

I hope for a good outcome.

I wish I had a magic wand to make the best house in best shape best price in the best place appear...
just like I wish I had a magic wand to wave and make new floors and painted walls appear in my house without any muss or fuss.

Drats, I can't find that magic wand!

Sometimes life gives us hard challenges. I hope we are up for them. Good luck to both of us.

patti said...

I love the quote too Suki. It helps me right now.

Action beats stagnation every time. Once you choose, there will be the 'house project' to keep you interested and absorbed and your vision of what your house should be like will begin to emerge.

Exciting really!

studio lolo said...

Wow, what a powerful quote!
I think it's good that you see yourself in it Suki. To me that shows forward movement and growth ;)

All things in their own time.
It will happen.

soulbrush said...

one of my mantras that i live by is: 'if it doesn't feel right, say NO'. i think that what you have done and are doing is OKAY, there is time, this is not a race. live each day and when the time is right -as marianne says- it will happen, then no will easily become yes. i hate that you are beating yourself about this, be kind to yourself and just find peace and let go and then you will feel ready to start again.

kikipotamus said...

I enjoyed his book Anam Cara. There is a lot of wisdom in this quote.

Mim said...

I think when you wanna really do it - you'll be ready

Julie said...

I ditto Souly-B's comment!!!

Have you ever looked at I could look at that for hours...just put in your zipcode or name of town and look through can have them come up in order from lowest to highest cost, and some have virtual tours! It is loads of fun!
Good luck!!!!!

Katiejane said...

Suki, I do feel that your hurdle is in overcoming your fear of commitment. I have that problem a little, too. I believe you first have to decide on a location and the house will come after that.
I plan on selling my house, hopefully sometime this summer, and relocating to North Carolina. I know this is where I want to live and I'm confident I will find a house I like. We can house hunt together.

sukipoet said...

JUlie, I know well. I go there, then see the names of the realtors and go to the realtor's websites. But the search, finding, looking at houses, getting realtors, even the making of offers i can do well. the part where I fall down is signing the Purchase and Sales.

Katie Jane. Wow. That's big news. I'm so glad you know where you want to be. I know how much you enjoyed your trip through the Carolina mountains. Good luck with all the changes you will effect. Somehow I think you are more decisive than I am. You will probably buy the first or second house you see!!!