Monday, January 26, 2009

Another Death

My son's Dad died on Monday (today). He had lung cancer and caught bronchitis. Had spent a week in the hospital but had come home. Yesterday my son took him back to the hospital, as his Dad couldnt breathe. He had contracted pneumonia. Here is R with my son and my Gram about thirty some odd years ago.

My son and his Dad. Of course, since R. had the cancer, I felt he might die within the year. I feel glad I saw him last Thursday. I don't know what my son will do now. He lived with his Dad and depended on him for everything. It is very upsetting, the whole situation. I will go to see my son on Tuesday. I will try not to kick into my co-dependent self wanting to fix everything and tidy things up and pay for everything. Who will pay for the cremation? Who will take care of..... my mind races. It makes me appreciate even more the way my parents took care of everything around their deaths before they died. It made it less anxious a time for my brother and I.

33 comments:

Kim said...

Oh Suki! There has been so much for you lately. I am so very, very sorry you are dealing with this yet again. You are right, though, the thing is for you to take very good care of yourself and try not to slip into your old role...I know it well myself. I know this sounds so silly, but you have to care for Suki, so you can care for your son. He has to see how it is done...so he can proceed with his life.

My heart goes out out to you. I am here, if you need to talk. This is brutal for you. Here is a HUGE hug and lots of LOVE!

~Babs said...

Oh my gosh Suki!!
I am so sorry,,,,what else can be said? I know somewhere deep down within you, there is a spark that will shine you through this, allow you to move through the days ahead,,,to whatever it is that you are required to do. Hard to see it, I know, but you are being made stronger through all these trials. Isn't it amazing when you stop to think about it, that you were already 'in place' physically,,,to be where you can help your son, and as Kim so rightfully said: "show him how it's done".
We are all here,,,please call on us if you need to, and feel the love. HE will never forsake you!
Prayers,,,,

Debbie in CA : ) said...

My dear friend Suki,

As poets we set words in flight to share ideas, express emotions, draw us forward in the dance of life. I have no poems today . . . only prayers. So much . . . so little . . . so near . . . so far . . .

I pray for your peace and guidance once again as you pull the curtain on another life that was once close yet has gone. I sense a chasm in this situation; one that cups of coffee and hour-long chats may not solve, but could at least open a window and let in a fresh breath of air/spirit.

I think of you often these days, my friend far away -- my friend of the heart.

XO

Annie said...

Suki, I am so very sorry. You have had so many changes lately. I am sending many hugs as I can feel your sorrow. Much love.

Karen Mowrey said...

Oh Suki, I feel so bad you have to face this again. I send you strength, hugs and prayers!

m. heart said...

oh dear. i'm so sorry to read this suki. what a winter this has been for you. sending hugs and love your way.

Cris, Artist in Oregon said...

Oh Suki, I am so sorry to hear this lastest news. How horrible to have to go thru another trauma in such a short period of time.
Do take care of you and dont become what you dont want to become.
Many hugs go out to you.

Teri said...

Dear Suki,

Although expected, this for you is unexpected, too. You are prepared and know what to do, but having the strength to do it may have to be pulled from deep inside you someplace.

I know, it's like putting one foot in front of the other at times and sometimes when we looks strong to others, we don't feel that way when we are by ourselves. My basement still in disarray 4 months after the "flood' attests to that, at least in my life.

But you know how to heal and meditate (ha, I just typed medicate and had to correct it) and my wish for you is to take time for yourself and back away when you need to, so you can come back feeling stronger and stay positive.

Know all of us are thinking of you and hoping you and your son can proceed with your lives and go on to live and love freely again.

Warm Thoughts,
Teri

Teri C said...

Oh Suki, you are being so overloaded lately. I am sending big hugs to you to make all the right decisions and get through this all. Again.

kj said...

my blessings follow you, suki.

Lynn said...

Wow...a lot on your plate right now.
So sorry for this loss...and hoping your son will be able to grow from this experience in his young life.
Hugs, Suki...thinking of you and wishing you all my best. I feel confident that you will make the right decisions and choices for all concerned.

You obviously have a lot of friends here...I hope your writing about your feelings to us will be helpful in your getting through this one.

Blue Sky Dreaming said...

I'm so sorry for this turn of events...for this loss and what it means for you and your son. My best thoughts go out to you in this cold winter night. Blessings.
Mary Ann

human being said...

some go away
some come closer
and i walk along my winding path
with their love in my heart
for the things they bring to me
and the things they take away with them...
------------------------------

Suki, you are in my heart... and my thoughts... everyday...

may his soul rest in peace...

Cestandrea said...

Suki I'm so sorry this is really hard on you! So I won't say anything more as the other friends already have said everything so well. That's a tough time, and depend on himself. I can imagine the feelings you are going through, wanting to help and yet wanting him to stand up for himself. Dear Suke, take care, and I send you lots of love, thinking of you
Andrea

Mim said...

Goodness - I can't believe this. How old is your son? Everyone else has said what I am feeling, so please take care of yourself and don't get to a place where you don't want to be.
many virtual hugs to you

soulbrush said...

dear suki
as i look at the photot of your mom here in front of me, i feel that you are having to close lots of doors and end lots of chapters in your life right now. there is a reason, even if it's not too clear right now. i am sending you and your son buckets of warm fuzzies to help you get through this experience. just be who you are and what you are. love and hugs my friend.

Wild Somerset Child said...

Dear Suki, I am so sorry to hear this; and sad for you and your son even though I do not know you. I will be thinking of you and send you love from England. Ann.

willow said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you today, Suki. I'm sure this brings back some painful memories for you. Take care and know that many people, including myself, out here love you.

Willow x

Dianne said...

Dear Suki,
You have had to face so much lately, this has really been a very hard winter for you. Kim is right, you have to make sure you look after yourself before you try and be all things to everyone else around you.
I am sending lots and lots of hugs.

patti said...

I'm so sorry Suki. I hope you have some happy memories to draw on to help you through this time.
Wise to take care of you. Peace & hugs.

studio lolo said...

Dear Suki,

I don't know what your relationship was in his final days, but I do know that he'll always matter because he's a part of your son. You've had so much to process lately, it's a wonder you can stay focused. I too, hope you don't go into co-dependant mode and keep putting one foot in front of the other to take care of yourself. You can still be there for your son in other ways that won't pull you down spiritually or financially. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope for the very best.
XX

Mim said...

Thinking of you so just stopped by to see how you are doing.

Natalya said...

so sorry... my thoughts are with you....

katie jane said...

Oh My God, Suki. This is incredible. Pardon me for saying this, but you have to get out of there! I don't want you to be next.
My heart is breaking for you. They say you are only given the burdens that you can bear, but I don't see how you can hold up to all this. I'm so sorry for these losses that I can't put it into words. Take you son under your wing. He needs you so much now. And I think you need him, too.

Starlene said...

Oh, my dear Suki...I will keep you held high in my thoughts, prayers, and meditations. I know your inner beauty and grace will carry you through this as it has always done. I send lots of hugs and comfort food, in spirit of course.

ELK said...

i am sorry, take care of yourself suki,
blessings
ELK

soulbrush said...

hello suki. how are you today? how is your son feeling? i have you in my thoughts and now marianne too. blessings and more wfs to you dear one. namaste

kathleen.artkat.hebert said...

I am truly sorry, Suki. Those endings really leave some pretty big holes in our lives. - Kathy

Cynthia said...

So sorry to hear of yet another loss. I hope that your son finds the comfort he needs. We all have that co-dependent tendency when it comes to our children. (I certainly do.) May you both be surrounded in love.

Mary said...

wow. you are certainly being given an incredible time of loss to sort through. i don't know why losses seem to come in waves like this but hopefully this wave will recede now for you and your family. such reordering and configuring of our emotions and our personal geography goes on through all these. be very gentle with yourself. these are difficult times for our hearts but for our heads as well.

San said...

Suki, I'm at a loss for words. So I believe I will just cry with you.

kikipotamus said...

Oh, Suki, what timing. Please know my heart is with you. Yes, do remember to take care of you. You and your son are in my thoughts and prayers. LOVE K

ed said...

A片,A片,A片,A片,A片,A片情趣商品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣,情趣,情趣用品,情趣商品,情趣用品,情趣,情趣,情趣用品,情趣商品,情趣用品,情趣,情趣,情趣用品,,情趣,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣用品.情趣,情趣,情趣,情趣,視訊聊天室,情趣,情趣用品,情趣,情趣用品,情趣用品,情趣麻將,台灣彩卷,六合彩開獎號碼,運動彩卷,六合彩,遊戲,線上遊戲,cs online,搓麻將,矽谷麻將,明星三缺一, 橘子町,麻將大悶鍋,台客麻將,公博,game,,中華職棒,麗的線上小遊戲,國士無雙麻將,麻將館,賭博遊戲,威力彩,威力彩開獎號碼,龍龍運動網,史萊姆,史萊姆好玩遊戲,史萊姆第一個家,史萊姆好玩遊戲區,樂透彩開獎號碼,遊戲天堂,天堂,好玩遊戲,遊戲基地,無料遊戲王,好玩遊戲區,麻將遊戲,好玩遊戲區,小遊戲,電玩快打情趣用品,情趣,A片,AIO,AV,AV女優,A漫,免費A片,情色,情色貼圖,色情小說,情色文學,色情,寄情竹園小遊戲,色情遊戲,AIO交友愛情館,色情影片,情趣內衣,情趣睡衣,性感睡衣,情趣商品,微風成人,嘟嘟成人網,成人,18成人,成人影城,成人圖片,成人貼圖,成人圖片區,UT聊天室,聊天室,豆豆聊天室 ,哈啦聊天室,尋夢園聊天室,聊天室尋夢園,080苗栗人聊天室,080聊天室,視訊交友網,視訊借錢,黃金,黃金回收,黃金價格,黃金買賣,當舖,中古車,二手車A片,A片,成人網站,成人影片,色情,情色網,情色,AV,AV女優,成人影城,成人,色情A片,日本AV,免費成人影片,成人影片,SEX,免費A片,A片下載,免費A片下載,做愛,情色A片,色情影片,H漫,A漫,18成人,情色電影,自拍,成人電影a片,色情影片,情色電影,a片,色情,情色網,情色,av,av女優,成人影城,成人,色情a片,日本av,免費成人影片,成人影片,情色a片,sex,免費a片,a片下載,免費a片下載,成人網站,做愛,自拍A片,A片,A片下載,做愛,成人電影,18成人,日本A片,情色小說,情色電影,成人影城,自拍,情色論壇,成人論壇,情色貼圖,情色,免費A片,成人,成人光碟18成人,成人聊天室,成人電影,成人圖片,成人貼圖,成人圖片區,成人影片,成人文章,成人小說,微風成人區,成人交友,成人文學,成人漫畫,成人遊戲,免費成人影片 ,成人論壇,愛情公寓,情色,色情網站,情色A片,色情小說,情色文學