Wednesday, January 28, 2009

R is on his journey into new realms

I thank you all for your loving and caring comments and support on yesterday's post. I did not answer each one of you individually, except for in my mind and heart. Human Being thank you for the poem. Lovely. For whomever asked, my son will be 40 in a few weeks. I visited him yesterday. He is of course still in a state of shock. He did find out he can stay in the apartment at least one more month. It is a subsidized apartment and apparently he too signed the lease. So that is a relief to me. He has a little black kitty, Minerva, to keep him company.

As for me, I think back on my times with R. We met in San Francisco, so romantic and "hip." We had happy times and sad times as everyone does. He was a highly talented sculptor and sensitive in so many ways. Until two years ago, he and my son were living in Missouri, R.'s home state. R got to see his two grandchildren, his daughter from another marriage's kids. He got to be surrounded by two ex-wives and another caring relative. My son and his half-sister were with him when he died. In Missouri, my son would have been all alone at this time. Now he is surrounded by me, who happened to be nearby due to taking care of Mom, and by his half-sister and her half-brother who my son calls his brother. Plus C. R's other ex-wife (who my son thinks of as "Mom"). Complicated isnt it. But as they say "it takes a village." And I believe this is true.

Please send prayers to Marianne in the Netherlands whose Dad died yesterday. Blessings and prayers to you Marianne.

Photo: the gold page adjacent to the previous shown silver page. Gold leaf, glitter, pressed leaves, layers of gloss acrylic medium


Artist Unplugged said...

Oh, Suki, I was out of pocket yesterday and didn't do much blogging. I am so sorry for the death of your son's father, my heart aches for him. It is never easy and living with him will certainly leave a painful void. I am happy to hear you visited with him today and that he can stay in the apartment. He will be in my prayers. The pages are very rich and beautiful today.

sukipoet said...

Thanks Artist Unplugged. I think this is the first time my son has had someone die who has been so important in his life. As he acknowledges himself, there is a process of grieving he must go through. Thank you for your prayers.

willow said...

So good to know that your son is nearby and not in far off Missouri. You both are in my prayers, also. x

laurel said...

So sorry your son is going through this hard time. It's so wonderful you have been able to be there for him. Beautiful pages you posted today.

Teri C said...

It does take a village doesn't it, and thank goodness for all the support.

Love the page you showed us.


Lynn said...

Sweet of you to share all this family history...and yes, it often takes a village... I'm glad your son has time to grieve without having to move immediately and it sounds like there is plenty of family around to give him a hand.
Not just you.
My heart goes out to all of you in this time of reflection and grief.
Hugs from me.

The pages you posted with the leaves are absolutely beautiful.
Thanks for adding what you used in their making.

Cris, Artist in Oregon said...

Lovely collage work.
Am happy to hear your Son has some family around him at this time.
Very hard to take no matter how sick they have been.
I hope you are faring OK
What will your Son do after the lease is up?

Anonymous said...

Suki, how restful your page of leaves is. I hope it will ease your heart and that you and your son can move forward now, hard as it will be.

soulbrush said...

what a lovely piece of art to go with this post. he had his loved ones with him, what more can we ask for?

~Babs said...

Suki, the leaves are gorgeous, but I adore what you've done on the other page with the silver tape? foil?
It has such an elegant, sophisticated look about it,and the text is profound.
As someone else remarked, it is very comforting I'm sure, to know your son has others available to him, and not just you.
I hope you can feel peace, knowing that it's all going to work out according to The Plan.

sukipoet said...

Thank you Willow.

Laurel, I am glad I can help my son out at this time. Thanks for the words about my gold page.

Teri C, thank you.

Lynn, it is a relief to me actually that my son has so many relations to help him through this time. Thanks re: the gold page. It was fun to make.

sukipoet said...

Cris, I have no idea what my son will do or even when the lease may be up. I guess I'll have to find out these things slowly as we go along. I'm not one to ask a lot of questions though i feel some questions need to be asked soon.

Ann, thanks for your reflections on both my collaged page and my life. Moving on, that is what is called for I guess once we get unfrozen. !!

Soulbrush, true I agree it is a blessing to die with ones loved ones there. Amen. Thanks re: artwork. And your comment y'day.

Oh yes, Babs, I did a post on that silver page earlier. Some kind of metal tape you can buy near the masking tape. I love it. Thanks for you words about that page. I figure the best thing I can do is to pray at any time. Pray that things will work out for the highest good of all. Thanks.

studio lolo said...

It sounds as though your son has begun processing things. Hopefully it will be a smooth transition of change. I'm glad he has all of you, including Minerva :)

Wonderful journal page Suki. Kind of looks like leaves under ice.

katie jane said...

Suki, it sounds like you were in the right place at the right time; for your brother in his time of need, for your mother, in hers, and now for your son, in his. You are such a kind and giving person that I'm sure this was no accident.

Your pages are simply stunning and so full of emotion. Just beautiful.

Cynthia said...

Beautiful photos...they take you back in time, don't they? May your son's (and your own) grieving process be many good wishes surround both of you...may you both be lifted up in comforting joy.

Kim said...

Suki, you are one strong, amazing woman! You have been through so much and now your strength is there for your son, too. I am glad he is surrounded by all of those who love him. It sounds as though you are doing well, personally, and the hard parts come from being a mother.

I send you love and peace, Dear Suki!

Mim said...

loss is never easy - at any age. I think we all know that, and all have to learn to process it in some way. I'm sure that you are processed these 3 major losses in your life, in your own way. Please...hugs of any sort to your son and I'm also glad to hear that he has you and other family around to help.

Elizabeth said...

So sorry for yet another death, and passing on to higher realms, for you and your family: you've had so much lately.
Sending all Love Light and Blessings for you and your Son and your extended families. Big Hug, sending prayers that all will work out for the best for everyone concerned regarding homes etc.

Lisa at Greenbow said...

Oh Suki, what a kick in the butt. This will seem to be your winter of woes. I am glad that you can be with your son in his time of sorrow. You are oh so right it takes a village.

sukipoet said...

Laurel, I love that,leaves under ice and very appropriate for today's weather. Thanks for your words abt my son. I send him prayers and thank you for yours.

Katie Jane, I do think that for once I was /am in the right place at the right time. I will move on small step by small step even though I do not know where I am going.

Cynthia, comforting joy. Thank you.

sukipoet said...

Kim you are so right. The hard parts come from being a mother. And knowing how much to give/and when to stand back and watch. I dont know what it is but i guess one never stops being concerned about ones child. Even a grown up child.

Thanks Mim. I'm feeling pretty okay about myself, just tired from all the emotions. What will happen with and for my son I must just wait and see. He is very wise in his own way.

Hi Lizzi, I hope so to. The home issue is big for me, esp as i have no home at the moment. And so maybe that is why his home issues ring so loud for me. I shall keep praying.

sukipoet said...

Lisa, I guess you are right, my winter of woes. The village concept is so healthy and healing to my mind. We must all gather together to heal and help each other.

Anonymous said...

Oh Suki I'm so sorry for your losses. It must be such a blow to your son. My prayers go out to you both.

Annie said...

It sounds as if things are well in hand. I am so glad you are near by, good for your son and good for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Much love.

Britt-Arnhild said...

Beautiful colours1

sukipoet said...

difference, I think it is/will be more of a blow as all the repercussions of his Dad's death hit my son. At first, he is probably numb and in shock but then after the cremation perhaps the reality of living without his dad who protected him in many ways (and who my son also protected in many ways in return) is no longer there as a buffer against the world.

Annie, I am glad I am nearby too although I dont feel I am helping out much. I am making some soup, turkey, today to bring to him after the roads get cleared.

Britt-arnhild, thank you.

Jude said...

Oh dear what a sad time in your life, I hope you're keeping something inside for you. My thoughts are with you, as always.

San said...

The complexity of those beautiful pages do reflect the complexity of a life. It sounds like R's was lovely, complex, and challenging.

Santa Fe is a beautiful city in which to fall in love. It happened to me there too. And the colors of your pages remind me of the colors of that city.

Your son and you will be in my prayers...

marianne said...

Awesome pages Suki!
So Vibrant !
Thanks for thinking about me. You have been in my thoufgts as well.
I have been very busy and when not extremely tired. I have been looking at all my blogs and comments but had no time and energy to react yet.
Hope you are doing fine Suki in these hard times for you!
Hope now no more sadness will come to you for a long while.
take care!
Love >M<

Dianne said...

Dear Suki, these journal pages are so beautiful. I also thought that the first image was a photo taken of leaves under the ice. This page is incredibly expressive, to me the leaves feel like you and your son, under a layer of ice, just wait to re-emerge once the ice melts. That leaf on the left is you, it is so vibrant, strong and full of colour. I love the second page, I needed to enlarge it to see the two faces with the words, "never turn away" - I can't read what you have written in the foil - is this about caring for your son? You mentioned in a comment to Kim, that you have difficulty expressing how you feel in your painting, you express yourself in an incredibly beautifully sensitive way - all your feelings are there if you look.
Lots of hugs

Honour said...

Suki, so sorry to hear about the death of your son's father. Death is not an easy thing ... even when we know it's easier on those who are in pain, it's still hard for those of us left behind.

I wish the best for you and your son in this time of transition.

Teri said...

Dear Suki,

Lovely piece of work. The colors are so soft and soothing, but also frosty and wintery. May be a lot like your emotions right now.

I remember reading something in one of the books on grieving that a friend who is a therapist gave me. It said (I just ran upstairs to look it up, but remember lending the book to a friend who had just lost her sister) something along the lines of "You learn to love your lost one on a different plane, never not loving, but remembering what part they played in your life, and treasuring those memories".

Almost 2 years now since losing Mike, he is loved by me on that different plane now and daily I feel his influence on me, trying to be a better human being.


sukipoet said...

Jude, thank you. This is a wild and wooly fall and winter. I wonder what life is saying to me? I felt I was just recovering my joie de vie a bit when my son's dad died. Changing all the dynamics.

Thanks San. I do keep reflecting on the romanticism of my early youth when I met R. in San Francisco, at that wonderful time of 1967. We had some great experiences.

Marianne, thank you for your response during this hard time for yourself. It is no wonder you are tired. So many emotions churning plus still tending to your mom and taking her back and forth and prepraring for the ceremony about your Dad. Goodness. You are in my prayers and thoughts.

Thank you Dianne for your beautiful reflections on these pictures. The words incised into the foil tape are meaningless for the most part. Just there to give the image of a journal writing but not really a coherent sentence. And thank you for reflecting on how these show my emotions which I cant always see.

sukipoet said...

Honor, thank you so much. I think I am meant to reflect on death with these three happening since August. Perhaps to help me value and honor my life and to bless my good fortunes in the present moment.

Teri thank you for those reflections on death and remembering. I think that is so true. We remember them and cherish them in a different way, on a different plane. Through our memories and sharing of stories about them, they are still here with us in a sense. You and Mike had such a special relationship. He was blessed to have known you and loved you. You cherish him and his presence in your life so much and you have such respect for who he was. Blessings and hugs, Suki