Sunday, November 19, 2006


I used to be afraid of driving on highways. I was a good driver, but I was anxious and fearful for days before setting off on a trip and also during driving. For years I tried all sorts of things to help me over my fear, but they didn't work.

Then I took a week-long yoga workshop with Rama Birch at a Yoga Center. It was intense. I wanted to quit a number of times due to the emotions and the exhaustion. But I carried through to the end.

On the drive home, I realized my driving anxiety and fear was gone. In the weeks that followed it stayed gone. And almost 2 years later it is still gone!!!

Now I'd like to find something that would help me overcome and let go of my lifelong fear of being seen. Of taking steps in the world that would help me offer my talents and insights to others and also bring me in some money. Enough to sustain my life. Something that would help me do the opposite of withdraw. Become more "Type A." Or maybe a more "out" type B as I don't think I'll ever become other than who I am.

The thing about the yoga workshop and its effect on me is that losing my driving fear was never my intention re: taking the course. It was to see if I wanted to be a yoga teacher. I learned that to teach yoga you have to pay attention to zillions of minute details and that is not for me, but driving fear was nowhere in my mind. Thus the best result of the workshop was a matter of grace. Of unasked for blessing.

Maybe I just need to keep doing what I am, but moreso. To chant more. To walk more. Do more yoga. But I am wanting results now and in the form I choose. Ego. Will.

Shiva hum, shiva hum, shiva hum.

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