Lately, my life and person feel stale. Everything is at a standstill and I have no desires or lusts or passions. Here is the room where most of my lovely things are boxed in, ready to move at short notice. They've been this way since 2009. Sometimes I unpack a few gems but then I pack them up again. As a Libra I love beautiful things around me, that I can look at and draw inspiration from. So why am I doing this (rhetorical question).
Yesterday, in a pit of greyness, I unpacked my five dreamcatchers. Hung them in the living room.
I do have three small books layed out to glue up. I fuss with them now and then. But that's it.Boring, boring, boring. I read reams of books, watch far too many movies, practice yoga almost daily, and mutter to myself as no one else is about. The poetry group is over until the fall. People are very busy with their lives. Which is nice. When I think of all the accomplishments my Cape Cod friends are involved in right now, I feel...limpid, ineffectual, lost and grey. Of course, I know spiritually it is not effective to compare oneself with others. It only leaves one depressed. But even looking back on my own life, what I live now feels like Mrs. Paltry at the farm. Rather than Ms Vibrant and full of life.
(Mrs. Palfrey at the Claremont was a film about an elderly lady who lives in a hotel with lots of other elders. I love British films and books depicting these hotel livers but I think that was back in the days when hotels were reasonably priced. Now, it would be out of the question.)
A box of feathers collected by my friend Sarah, now deceased. They were given to me after her death by the friends who went through her things. I will use one feather in a little book. How to reinvest my life with vibrancy, passion and love??? How to pull myself out of the slough of despond?