Friday, January 14, 2011
Part of me wants to just pull up the down quilt and hibernate for the rest of the cold winter. I could emerge in the spring renewed and refreshed.
The irony is that in reality I have been very active in the outer world this January. Not letting myself be passive and withdrawn but instead embracing action. Almost, dare I say it, accepting winter in all its beauty and difficulty. Accepting that for now I am living in the cold, barren, desolate, people-few north. Accepting life as it is, rather than wishing everything was different. And it's okay. It's wonderful.
When I wish things were different I end up suffering and sad. Life is not here to be the way I envision. Yes, I can choose a peach over an apple. Yes, I can wear a certain style of clothes. Yes, I can create art and write stories my way. But I cannot force the river. Though of course man has tried with dams and dikes.
I think that for two years, my heart and soul were in hibernation, simmering, waiting, mourning. Not just mourning my mom, my dad, my sister-in-law, my ex-husband but also my leaving of my dear friends, the lack of a home that is mine.
And so this winter I am both going inward to write and craft, and going outward to meet people and tend to my health. A delicate balance.
The beautiful painting above was created by StudioLolo. Thanks so much for allowing me to use it, Lo. It is so evocative.