Friday, January 14, 2011


Part of me wants to just pull up the down quilt and hibernate for the rest of the cold winter. I could emerge in the spring renewed and refreshed.

The irony is that in reality I have been very active in the outer world this January. Not letting myself be passive and withdrawn but instead embracing action. Almost, dare I say it, accepting winter in all its beauty and difficulty. Accepting that for now I am living in the cold, barren, desolate, people-few north. Accepting life as it is, rather than wishing everything was different. And it's okay. It's wonderful.

When I wish things were different I end up suffering and sad. Life is not here to be the way I envision. Yes, I can choose a peach over an apple. Yes, I can wear a certain style of clothes. Yes, I can create art and write stories my way. But I cannot force the river. Though of course man has tried with dams and dikes.

I think that for two years, my heart and soul were in hibernation, simmering, waiting, mourning. Not just mourning my mom, my dad, my sister-in-law, my ex-husband but also my leaving of my dear friends, the lack of a home that is mine.

And so this winter I am both going inward to write and craft, and going outward to meet people and tend to my health. A delicate balance.

The beautiful painting above was created by StudioLolo. Thanks so much for allowing me to use it, Lo. It is so evocative.


studio lolo said...

I just love that header. And now I can see more clearly that it is a barn, not a house.
New England winter scenes are their own art.

I love the way you're looking at life Suki. I think you and I have similar mindsets this year.
I fought this move (emotionally) for the whole of last year without realizing I was doing it. But I miss my dear friends back there. I have never had deeper friendships nor more meaningful work than what I had there.

New year, new plans on living life and finding beauty and friends here as well. And making friends with myself again in the process.

Yes indeed, I do love your attitude and reflections.
And thank you for using my painting. Anytime Suki, anytime,

Here's to a year full of promise and hope!


Mim said...

Your header is just gorgeous. so NE typical.

I think 2011 will be a year of getting closer to ourselves, being kinder to ourselves, understanding our wants and needs better - at least that is my plan. I've been hibernating (in a wierd way) for two years also - with my dad dying and then MIL ill and dying - it's all be introspective and sad.

But now...time to move and shake again

Mary said...

I only have this to say.....yay!!! love you ;-)

Cris, Artist in Oregon said...

Its all positive here. That's good. Its so easy to hibernate from life and especially in winter.. Bravo for forcing yourself to get out and about. Love your header. I feel I am there and Lolos work is always lovely to see. I remember this piece.

Tess Kincaid said...

Your post reminds me of a lovely children's book I read to my kids about a boy who imagines himself a chipmunk, hibernating in his burrow for the winter.

Annie said...

Suki, it is all so true. Accepting your life as is and not just accepting, but loving it, is the secret to being happy. It is not always easy to do, but something to shoot for. Love Lo's painting! xoxo

Robin said...

Suki, you know how your words ring true for me.... we have often discussed this very thing...and
I think this IS the way to go forward with Life... instead of trying to "dam the river", just find a shallow spot to "wade across"! (I'll be there with you - in my "Wellies" - as we step into the water!

Love the new header! I was hoping you would make it your January one!

The "new Suki-Pippi" is a powerful force!


♥ Robin ♥

Lynn said...

Header: Chillingly beautiful!
Lolo's Art: Deep, heavy, fitting!
Your years of hibernation: So many to grieve, all that grief took time and it's toll...
Perhaps you need a painting of the woman climbing out of the hole, as you surely are now!
I'm happy for you and your ability to make these positive changes Suki! It's your turn to enjoy life!

kj said...

suki, i too have been hibernating. i am adept at pushing myself into the world but for the last two years my heart has been a confused mess. i keep thinking, what comes first, acceptance or action. do i act to accept or accept to act. i think i know....

it is a joy to read what you've written here. it is a primer for balance. i wish that for you.


Lisa at Greenbow said...

You are headed in the right direction Suki. Embrace the world. You have so much to offer even in this snowy cold time.

patti said...

Life does ebb and flow, so choosing to hibernate and yet go out in the world too, is a good balance. A very positive way to live your life. Enjoy every moment!

Kimmie said...

Your header itself says so much. This is such a beautiful season of year, but so inhospitable. I'm glad for you though that you are out and about. The balance you talk about is so important.

Marion said...

I can't say enough about that header. I love old barns and have a whole book of the photos I took of old barns. When I could still paint, they were my favourite subjects!

I'm seeking balance as well. It would be so easy, since most of the time we are snowed in, for me to hibernate. I'm glad Hospice gets me out of the house, otherwise I would stay in and get completely stale!

Wishing and hoping for a move back to the Coast will not get me there. For a long time, I have had the feeling that I'd be better off enjoying each hour of the day here in the present, rather than any nebulous ones in the future.

It took me a long, long time to mourn, and like you, I knew when it was time to rejoin life's activities.

...louciao... said...

"Accepting life as it is, rather than wishing everything was different. And it's okay." I struggle with this on a daily basis and, even so, sometimes lose sight of that intention. Thank you for reminding me.

kikipotamus said...

Whoa, it sounds like you have reached enlightenment. Grace. A turning point in attitude.