Friday, October 02, 2009

the school marm and the bohemian

Months ago I drew this picture in my sketchbook of my two opposite selves. On Thursday I looked again at these sketches and wrote the following:

My frugal practical self--left- brained-- helped me do the steps to search for a house, contact Realtor and lawyers, drive to the cape, organize cat sitters and places to stay, drive by homes for sale, choose ones to see, go see them. Sort through the available options.

Due to all of this left-brained activity I found a number of perfectly good houses to buy. This was good work, left-brained, school marm self!

The time when you got in my way though, was in the "go for it" stage. Then, you held up a hand of CAUTION. First with house #1 that I decided to offer on. You said stop and therefore I did not make the offer. I waited a tormented month, decided I would make the offer, and the house was gone.

Then on house #2, you let me make the offer but later held up a hand of "no" to the Purchase and Sales agreement, even though this caused you and others pain.

Oh school marm. I thank you very much for your help in getting me into and through the intricacies of a home search. You did an excellent job, ending up finding me a lovely home. But now I feel you must sit back and go along for the rest of the ride. You can enjoy following the bohemian side of me, the risk taker, the roller coaster rider, the side that went off to San Francisco, the side that plunges into creative activities, the side that plunges into romantic entanglements.

This is a complex job I have set forth for you two sides of me. And you can work together to buy me a home, to fulfill my heart's desire. The bohemian me speaks more quietly, is less frugal than you dear schoolmarm. But she also has much value and love and discernment.

Hand it over to her. You have done your job. Let her do hers. With love. Remember Suki is worth it. She deserves a home.

13 comments:

Annie said...

I have these very same people living in me :-). I beleive the third time is the charm, the next house is yours :-). Trust that the reason you did not take the last two houses is becuse they were not for you. Good luck!

kikipotamus said...

Wow wow wow wow wow wow. Great job sitting down and conversing with this part of yourself. Yay!

Blue Sky Dreaming said...

Well said...the recognition and integration seems complete...now all sides of you can have a home... best wishes!

Lynn said...

A great introspective look Suki. Glad the parts can come together to find your abode of choice when the time is right.

layers said...

Yes, artists live in 2 worlds-- the one everyone else lives in with our daily chores and interactions. then we go into our studio and switch our brains over to the creative side. Some days the left brain just won't leave us alone.

Debbie in CA : ) said...

YES!!! [Clapping wildly!] Hooray!!! [Dances gleefully]

[Gets down on knees and prays]
Let's get ready for a homecoming!

Dear friend this post thrilled me!
Gotta go get a tissue -- it has been a very emotional week all the way around. : D

Blessings to you!!!!!

sukipoet said...

annie, hope that's true as, although not related on the blog, I have created huge muddle with the last offer and may lose $10,000.

Kelly, this was fun and spontaneous.

Blue Sky, well, at least two sides of me.

Lynn, thanks.

sukipoet said...

layers, is that why your name is layers??

Debbie, thanks. It was your comment about listening to my heart that was a catalyst for this conversation on paper. Of course others have said that in other ways, but just that day somehow it hit home when you said it too.

chewy said...

Hi Suki,
I've been reading about your house hunt, but haven't commented as I've never had to make such a huge purchase decision. um... don't house sellers expect a lower offer and then haggle it out to a selling price?

You are very considerate of other people's feelings, but... don't feel too sorry for the seller or the deal falling through. You have to look out for number one. It's hard making big decisions without a partner for help.

soulbrush said...

what an interesting post suki. i know that the school marm in me is very much stronger these days, the carefree person is there in words, but not in deeds any longer. and this makes me feel sad. what a journey you have been on with this housebuying experience, i would never have thought it would be so very trying for you. wonder where you will end up living?

katie jane said...

I think we become more calm and reserved as we get older. Maybe wiser, too. I know I was a lot bolder and more impulsive when I was young. I did a lot of things then that I could not do now. Maybe that is a good thing, I don't know. I struggle with the same two personalities within me and my practical "school marm" self usually wins out.

sukipoet said...

chewy, thanks for your input and support. we did start out with a lower bid but the sellers were budging only a few thousand. whereas i lept up 10,000 twice. the price they accepted turned out to be uncomfortable for me even though it was my mouth that said yes, being caught up in the spirit and energy of the moment. there is more to this story which I will write of soon.

sukipoet said...

I never thought it would be so trying either, Soulbrush. It is due to me though more than anything exterior. hey, it's good to hear the school marm is on top as for you now. Sometimes I feel so dowdy but I guess the school marm is on top for me most often too.

Katie Jane I think maybe I am trying to hard to fit myself into an idea i had of where i wanted to be and reality is proving that it is not working for me.