Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The Libra Dilemma

I've been pretty quiet about the house issue since I made the offer last Saturday. After the bidding happened and I agreed to the price I knew I had a window of ten days to contemplate my decision.

The very next day after signing the offer agreement, I called my Realtor and lawyer and said that due to the bidding excitement I had bid beyond my comfort range and wanted to withdraw from the offer.

My Realtor said I should get the home inspection and if it came up with some flaws in the home, I could then get my earnest money returned. Actually, I wanted to give the homeowners the earnest money for their pain and suffering in dealing with me. But I went ahead and got the inspection. So far, spending $1400 on earnest money plus inspection.

The inspection did show a few minor flaws, so theoretically I could use it to withdraw and receive my earnest money back, even though I didnt want it back.

But, I spent the next week agonizing about whether to withdraw or go forward despite my discomfort about the amount I agreed to pay. Plus the fact that the house was practically on top of the 4 lane highway. Otherwise though, the house was lovely.

So back and forth back and forth I went. My mind changed every two minutes. Really! Yes, no, yes,no.

I have been in mental torture. Finally, today we were at the deadline for me to choose as the next step of Purchase and Sales agreement was due to be signed. I decided that if the choice was causing such agony for me, then the best thing to do was to back off. ( My typical modus operandi). I declined to purchase the house.

When I called my lawyer, whom I have never met, to tell her about this yes, no, yes, no dilemma she said: "May I ask you a question?" Sure I said. "Are you a LIBRA?" Oh my god, yes I am. She said she was too (she is Oct 5th, I am Oct 8th) and that this was the Libra dilemma. Librians weigh all sides, see all angles and thus have a very hard time making decisions. What a riot that my lawyer understood!!

She even said that maybe after I step back and drive by the place a few times I could reoffer. I said I wasnt sure if they would want to deal with me again. Why not, she said. They want to sell the house.

I feel much relieved to have at last made a choice. Like you feel when you have a snow day off from school. My options are again open. Do you think this is why I am also not married? I like to keep those options open? I DO want a house and do think it will be better for me to own than to rent. But I guess this just wasnt enough push comes to shove. Or maybe too much push comes to shove, I don't know.


katie jane said...

I also am a Libra. I am October 1st. I often have difficulty deciding the best thing to do in a given circumstance; have to examine all angles. Drives my husband batty. Major decisions, such as the one you are faced with, would be difficult, however I "decide with my gut". When I shop I don't usually go from store to store, just for this very reason. If I see something I like in store one, that's it. I stop there and don't look any more. Decision made. This may not be the best way to make decisions but it works for me. "Go with the gut".

~Babs said...

No,,,,I'm Capricorn. A very frugal one. I feel that since you weren't comfortable with the price, you've made a wise decision.Finances are a legitimate concern at any time,but at this age, and in this economy, it pays to be careful.
I had a decision to make this week,and although it was not a major decision like yours it was big enough, (and important) to me.
I felt SO much better having made it,so I understand how you feel.Personally, I'd say "Good for you, Suki!"

sukipoet said...

Katie Jane, happy birthday a few days ahead! Go with the gut is good advice for sure. the trouble is my gut speaks but my monkey mind speaks louder sometimes. And this decision is so big and grown up that I get confused or whatever.

Thanks Babs. You know, I have been very frugal for years and years. I think that is part of the problem with this housebuying thing. For all I know the house might be very reasonable, compared to the future value. I just finally had to make a choice to step forward or step back and I stepped back.

Lynn said...

Well happy birthday to all the libras out there.

I do not envy your your malady.
I make decisions quickly.
Am always first in line.
I guess I am lucky that my rush to get it attitude has brought me joy and good outcomes for most of my big life decisions. There are a few relationship ones in the long ago now P A S T that might have been better thought out more carefully...now that I think of it. But that might have been more about youthfulness than time. Perhaps a bit of both.

I still hope for you to find your investment home that you can live in happily. Then the decisions can take as long as you like regarding paint colors and floor coverings etc. LOL

Wild Somerset Child said...

I too am a Libran (Oct 18th) but honestly cannot recall indecision over most things. Maybe that comes from running a business for so many years but my mantra has been: if in doubt, don't, because my gut feeling will tell me when something is right - and then go for it without delay. I can't say that will help you dear Suki, but I have always regretted not doing something when my brain tells me 'yes'. Ann from UK (P.S. Being near a 4-lane highway would drive me nuts!)

patti said...

I make decisions easily too - not sure why I am like this. If your gut tells you no and the highwasy is a problem - don't go there.
Funny about your lawyer being sympathetic.

Can you rent for a while in the area you want to live in and then take your time looking for something to buy? Just a thought.

Elizabeth said...

This is such a big decision.
You were probably right to withdraw if you were not entirely comfortable with the whole thing.
But I can quite understand your dilemma.

Lisa at Greenbow said...

If you feel it was too much money then it was. Don't worry over it now. Just keep looking forward. Your dream home will appear at the right price and you won't even have to think it over.

Cris, Artist in Oregon said...

We all make unwise decisions along the way in life. Thats because we can't see beyond now. So we just make them as best we can, but if it was making you sick then it was the thing to do. Go with the Gut like everyone else said.

m. heart said...

I can be the same way as a Virgo, though I don't know if indecisiveness is a typical Virgo trait. I prefer to think of it as a hesitancy to commit to any one thing. Life is such an organic process it seems only wise to keep your options open.

I agree with Lisa above. Too much money is too much money and it's best to walk away. And I also believe you'll know the right place when you find it without such hesitancy.

Kikipotamus said...

I don't envy you the position you're in. It's hard enough deciding on items in the hundreds of dollars, much less in the tens of thousands. This IS a big decision, and you don't have anyone to help you. At least couples can sit down at the end of a day of viewing and write out pros and cons, bounce ideas off each other, counter worries with reassurances. You are doing this all on your own! I think you're doing great.

sukipoet said...

Lynn, I DO envy you your proclivity to make decisions quickly. Of course, I make SOME decisions quickly. I think the problem is not with the house/price/etc but with my brain and thought process which tends to deliberate endlessly and also fears commitment.

Ann, my ex husband was also born October 18th. Of course, I dont think indecisiveness in Librians is a hard and fast rule. I just appreciated the lawyer coming up with the idea--it set me at ease somehow with my own prevaricating nature. But also being born at the end of the libra cycle, perhaps your moon is influence by the next astrological sign.

sukipoet said...

Patti, again I envy you your talent for making quick decisions. When I hesitate, then all kinds of monkey mind thoughts have reign. yes, I could rent. But you know, as said above, it isnt the house. This house was immaculate and as perfect a house as I will find in my price range. I have looked at 30 or so this go round and most are dumps, believe me. I bring up the traffic noise to alleviate some of the burden on me, but it is really all me and my personality or something within me that resists getting borned anew.

sukipoet said...

Elizabeth, thank you. I realize I have been a "child' for much of my life, and I look entirely to my fear of being grown up as a big part of all this.

lisa, thanks. i'll try not to worry. I'll hold my thumb, which is the worry finger. :)

Cris, thanks.

sukipoet said...

m. heart thanks. but you have many commitments of the sort I do not: husband, home and job. somehow you overcame your reluctance to commit.

thanks Kelly. I do think having another braver personality in the mix here would be helpful with this big choice. but maybe that's California Dreaming.

studio lolo said...

I'm just the opposite Suki. My haste has gotten me into some pickles! (Like my first marriage.)

I think perhaps you should rent through the winter. I heard the market is really going to open up in the spring as far as choices go.

I also think you should join us in Ptown ;)

Annie said...

It is not just Libras that have this problem :-). I believe that when something is RIGHT you know it, you would not have had so much
trouble deciding. You did the right thing.

willow said...

Well, you know I can totally relate here!! Those Libra scales of mine tilt one way and then the other like a teeter totter!

sukipoet said...

lolo, ok. there's a place i rarely hesitate. I have lept into some partner relationships, all really, with haste and wild abandon. Also, I can leap into creative projects with wild abandon. Hmmm, let me think abt the Ptown adventure again. Coming up soon.

annie, thanks.

Willow, yes. those scales. those many perspectives. those options each with wonderful aspects, each with drawbacks. what's a libra to do. :)

Cestandrea said...

thanks Suki for sharing this story here. I wish I had a little more LIBRA in me sometimes, cause with me it's head over shoulders into the muddle;) LOL
The story with your lawyer being also a libra is so great, that must have took some heavy burden from your shoulders:)
Now enjoy the feeling of being decision free until the next time,

Blue Sky Dreaming said...

I think there are plenty of Libra's owning homes...you will too when it looks and feels like your home at your price.

Debbie in CA : ) said...

Your heart cries out for a home, but your mind holds back the approval . . . maybe it is time for your heart to step forward and take a chance. I have always thrived on the opportunity to choose and make the options work for me. In fact, I have enjoyed our fixer-uppers more than the new house we owned -- working with another's choices as I make it my own. Remodel, redecorate, reshape into my own. I think your heart should convince your mind to go for it and begin a new leg of the journey. Offer lower, if you are inclined, but do buy it if your heart finds it home. It must be time . . . for you are not moving beyond this milestone. Seek joy. Find peace. : D

Thank you SO MUCH for your prayers and words of encouragement. I have been so uplifted by your care. You are my sweet Suki friend and I am blessed by you. Be as nice to yourself and give your heart a blessing, too. My prayers continue for you.

XO ~~ Debbie

soulbrush said...

so interesting that you are a libran, so very typical of this sign to dither and change their mind and then often end up hurting themselves. you just use that 'gut' - i have said it before and will say it again, if the house is right it will 'talk' to you.

sukipoet said...

Andrea, I love what you say... enjoy being decision free until the next time. yes, as living beings on this earth we have one decision after another all our lives. nothing is completed and final until death. OK I thought of what you said today, and basked in being free.

blue sky, yes I guess there are. I didnt mean I'd never be able to do it. to overleap that fear. I am sure I will. You too are a libra and you have done it many times.

sukipoet said...

Debbie, you hit it right on. My schoolmarm side, the practical side both found me an almost flawless house and at the same time refuses to let go of the funds needed to get the house. it is my heart that needs to speak. And you are welcome for the prayers. many blessings, suki

soulbrush, I not only hurt myself but also the couple who owned the house who had run out and put money down on their dream house, of course contingent on selling their own house. I feel sad that I caused the such stress and disappointment.

Kim said...

Hi Suki, I think it is great you have found a lawyer who understands how challenging it is to get a decision made. It can be a brutal decision sometimes, that is for sure. My guess is it really matters what the decision is in order for it to take a lot of contemplation. Clearly making the choice to move and care for your mother was not as difficult, right?

Me, I usually mull things over, but once I have made a decision I deal with it. My great challenge...stubborness!

The right thing will happen just when it is supposed to, if you remain open to the possibilities.

Lynette said...

Suki, I don't blame you for being cautious, buying a house is a huge decision. It's good that you still have the option open if you do want to buy it though. Ha, so many Libras, my husband's bd is Oct. 17 and my sister's on the 8th.