Thursday, March 19, 2009

Gordon's paintings, Mom's glassware, my psyche

One of the paintings I purchased from the artist Gordon Melbye on the Cape when I was there.

This is the other one. Both are small oils on board.

Today the auction man came and took away Mom's decorative glass collection. I know there was one item in the bunch he really wanted to get his hands on. Otherwise it was, according to him, an ordinary collection of etched and cut glass which he would offer to auction in "lots." I know if I would have taken the time to look up each piece and price it and sell it individually I would reap more money than I will on this auction. I feel guilty and sad to be giving away Mom's beloved collection. She was always telling me it was worth a lot of money. So that's that.

What is left is the furniture and miscellaneous kitchen items. I haven't had the enthusiasm to blog as much as I have in the past. I am trying to go even deeper inward to try to discern what I want to do. Not in reference to other people or what I think other people think I should do etc etc. But only in reference to myself. I just have to trust that I am getting somewhere with this even though I can't see where.

34 comments:

Natalya said...

oh suki... hang in there! hugs!

sukipoet said...

Thanks Natalya.

katie jane said...

I hope you have clarity soon. I'm sure you will. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. We went through a similar experience several years ago. We had financial difficulties which demanded that we liquidate our material assets and start over. We auctioned off nearly everything we had. For me, all I saw was a big deep chasm and I was falling in it. I had no idea how I would ever get to the other side, but I did, just taking one day at a time and dealing with that. That's really all you can do. My thoughts are with you. As long as you are still breathing, there's hope.

Lynn said...

Oh, I missed this yesterday.
I do respect your need to make your decisions on your own.
Hard to say goodbye to pieces. I still remember things my mom sold herself when she moved from house to apartment to final residence...that dark blue glass candy dish...who got that? I liked it. Whaaa! But material things gone, free up space in mind and house I guess. But hard to say goodbye all the same. I hear that.
Lovely paintings you acquired for yourself. Be well, enjoy be in peace.

Teri C said...

This is such a difficult time for you and I can totally relate. but hang in there, it will all workout.

Big hugs

sukipoet said...

Katie Jane, I'm sorry you had to go through that experience. At least in my case I am choosing to auction Mom's glassware as I otherwise would just put it in storage somewhere. Still, I continually (my bete noir) think I have done it the wrong way. I should have gotten several assessments as to value of the pieces before I let this man cart them off. Oh well.

sukipoet said...

Lynn, I only posted this today, thursday. I am not particularly attached to these pieces. I did save a few for myself as momentos. What I am attached to is the fact that Mom loved them and was constantly telling me how they were worth a lot of money. and I feel disappointed that I havent done my best to get the most money possible out of them. Frankly, I would have been happier giving them away to people who might love them. I just feel I havent done what I think my family expected me to do.

sukipoet said...

teri thanks for your vote of confidence. As HB wrote in her recent poem, I am my own worst opponent.

Mary said...

it's very difficult to go through our parent's things, especially the things they loved and we don't have the room or the same love for...my sister and i auctioned off almost everything from my great aunt's house when we closed that up. my aunt was positive her glass collection was worth a fortune but it wasn't....it was pretty but not our style and we let it go....we didn't have the energy or the time to sell pieces individually, either.

be gentle with yourself. what you're doing is really hard....sending a big hug your way. we are still sorting through the last boxes (while you were on the cape we were nearly buried in them but are finally starting to see some daylight!! woohoo!!!)

good luck. and it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks in the end. it's your process, your life ;-)

love to you....

Cris, Artist in Oregon said...

Good to hear from you but Mary is right. It doesnt matter what anyone else thinks. It is how you feel and it is draining to go thru every item and price it. I know, I had 48 years of stuff to go thru, toss, sell or try to and move here. YOu just do what you CAN do thats all you need to remember. NO guilt. Things are valuable to the living buying them not to anyone else really. Hang in there. Did your Brother ask for anything?

Artist Unplugged said...

Those paintings are most lovely and serene like. Suki, I hope your life comes into focus...I sympathize with how you feel giving up your mother's collection. I have much too many things that I have not given up yet do not have the room for. Made many difficult decisions giving up items too, it is hard and my heart goes out to you. It is an ache worse than any physical injury, may blessings and heavenly guidance be with you.

~Babs said...

You are wise Suki,,thinking with your head and not your heart.
It's NOT easy, but in the end, all boiled down, they're only things. As Mary said they may have been worth a lot more, and they may not. You were given them,,,and may do what you want with them. No one else's business.
You are moving on,,and that's your business,and what is important.
You are collecting your own 'things',,,ones that will be meaningful to you. Great paintings, nice choices for your own place.

Cris, Artist in Oregon said...

I forgot to mention the lovely paintings you bought while in cape cod. Good choices.

Lisa at Greenbow said...

It is good to have reflective inward time. Be sure to take it slowly and you will find your way. I can see why you were drawn to these pictures. Hopefully you will reap more than you expect from the auction. It is best not to put too much worth on things. Just enjoy them while you have them. ((hugs))

sukipoet said...

Hi Mary. Thanks for your kind words. I guess my guilt comes from not taking more time and selling Mom's glassware individually. The auction man will sell them in "lots." Individually would bring in more money. But I know i would never do it. I would just pack them in boxes and store them. The cupboards look bare. I do respect Mom's choices of beautiful things. But I also respect keeping my own sanity about all this. Good luck as you continue to sort and tidy.

sukipoet said...

Cris you speak so wisely. YOu and Mary. Yes, these things gave mom pleasure while she was alive and that's all that matters. I offered my brother anything he wanted from the collection and he selected a few things. I also kept about three liquor store sized boxes of things.

Gordon's paintings--they are soothing. Simple yet complex. I find him such an interesting artist. Almost completely unknown.

sukipoet said...

Artist Unplugged thank you so much. It is an ache. I certainly felt is strongly y'day when the auction man and his mom left with 8 or so largish boxes of stuff. I know that will fade of course. As I think I may end up living in less than 800 square feet, (my price range dictates this) I just cant keep everything.

sukipoet said...

Babs, yes I do want to move on and letting go of things one doesnt really want is part of that process. Thanks. I did keep saying to myself, well these are only things. The saddest part is Mom being gone, not her glassware being auctioned. And this is just part of life.

sukipoet said...

Lisa, I absolutely agree about not putting too much worth on things apart from enjoying them. I guess my "problem" arises from MOM for years and years telling me these were worth so much and were being left to me which made me thinK I had some responsibility to cash them in for their worth (if not keep them.) But i need to let go of that way of thinking. I do believe in keeping what I love and handing the other things on to others who may lvoe them.

Annie said...

You are doing great and when it is time for you to take action you will be guided. Trust and going inward is always a good place to start. Big hugs. And as for the glass collection, people often think they will get what they paid, but that is very rare. Don't feel badly, I am sure your mom understands from where she is now :-).

Cestandrea said...

Hi Suki,
I love the two paintings here, the first one so calm, one can mediated upon the fruits and the 'plastic?) bottle lying there, sleeping:) And the other one is vibrating with light, very beautiful, both!
And oh, it sure must be a tough situation right now, getting rid of things which belonged to someone you loved so much,I guess it's also a question of "do I want to put time into this", I can so very well understand that you didn't handle that "the long" way! Have less stuff lying around and on your mind is always good for the soul, no? But I hear you too, it's a difficult sitation...
As Natalya said, hand in there!
I'm so busy that I don't find the time and the mood to blog anymore neither these days, but it should soon get better, just wanted to let you know,
have a good weekend,
namaste:)
Andrea

Dianne said...

Dear Suki, I am glad you are slowly collecting a few special things for your new home.
At the same time, you are having to get rid of your Mum's prized pieces, this must be so difficult for you. Once you have completed sorting out your Mother's bits and pieces, you might feel a bit more clarity.

studio lolo said...

My husband just left the Cape this morning after a week of going through his dad's things with his sister. It was really hard to do as you are more than aware of. It's as if his wife didn't want any trace of him left in the house.

Was it a Sandwich glass collection Suki? I hope the man is fair and respectful to you and your mother's memory.

I hope you find the right guidance and direction. I know you will. You seem very grounded to me.
~Blessings~

kj said...

suki, i want to say that i know how hard it is to blog when your heart is heavy. your blog friends care about you and will be here, and nobody expects you to entertain them during a time like this. so just keep doing whatever is best and right for you.

transitions suck. i don't know how to say it. i'm just coming out of a year or more of a breakup of a relationship i cherished, and i didn't feel like my blog was worth a damn for quite a while.

as for the glassware, you did what you thought was best.

xo

patti said...

I think you have absolutely done the right thing - you have found a kind of compromise between giving the things away completely, to someone who would love them and with making some money to honor their value and your Mom's wishes.

I envy you - I would love us to be down-sizing and getting rid of all the 'stuff' that we have.

Simplicity is heaven!

I hope that you find some wisdom in your heart when you meditate on your direction.

kathi said...

I just found your blog this morning, and I must say I sense a kindred spirit. I scrolled through your writings with admiration and wonder. I absolutely love your journal pages!
I can identify with you having to go through your mother's things. My sister and I did that 27 years ago and it still brings back thoughts of sadness. The worst being that my sister will still not speak to me. At the time she was grabbing everything in site, perhaps to hold on to Mother, I don't know. I let her have most everything. I tried to be fair and only kept things that I had given my mother or that I knew she would want my children to have. In the end there were harsh words and a broken relationship. I miss my little sister and regret that "things" caused her to leave not only me, but my children behind. I have many "things" myself that I like and give me a sense of "home" but I hope my children just give them away when I'm gone! I would rather they remember me and the laughter and hugs we share instead. Thanks for your open-hearted blog. I'll be listening...

human being said...

sure you will get to a beautiful place through this journey within...
you are aware and that is all one needs...

giving away the things we do not feel connected to is a big step...

you are brave... and be sure this increases your love toward your mother...

feel proud...
lots of love

sukipoet said...

Annie thanks. I do hope Mom understands. I mean no disrespect to/for her.

Andrea, the bottle in the first painting is an Elmer's glue bottle. I find the painting both humorous and soothing, those colors I think you are right re; asking myself that question: do I want to put time into this. Actually I've been sorting etc for three months now so am getting timed out. Thanks for stopping by andrea. I have missed hearing from you but of course understand that flow of life that draws a person away from blogging.

sukipoet said...

Dianne, I hope you are right about this process of sorting ending in more clarity. At the least I will feel I have tidied up mom's house for the brother. I myself also have many packed boxes of stuff I am keeping. I am probably keeping too much stuff though will sort it once I have made my move.

Laurel thanks for your reflections. The sorting so quickly must have been so hard for your husband and his sister. I understand so well the trauma of it all.

The auction man seemed very professional and almost callous about the items which is partly why I wish id waited and found osmeone else. But oh well, it is done now.

sukipoet said...

The glass was etched glass, vaseline glass, and cut glass.

kj, thanks for the empathy and reassurance. I'm sorry about the breakup of your relationship. As you say transitions suck. At the least, they are difficult because I havent yet let go of the past and havent yet found my place in the future and I must just "bear with" the uncertainty of being on a threshold.

sukipoet said...

Kathi, thanks so much for stopping by. The story you tell is so sad, the rift between you and your sister. My Dad and his brother had some sort of rift too which I never understood. In my case the "things' were all left to me alone, whereas my brother got the house. Now, this leaves me feeling a bit resentful too and also means I all by myself have to sort through all these things with no help from my brother. I am sure once I am done and can leave here it will fade in the flow of life though. Thanks for the comments on my journal pages and looking forward to talking with you again.

sukipoet said...

human being, well perhaps i am brave. I do know Mom was incredibly brave throughout her life and so I hold her image of strong woman and brave woman before me as I move along the path. Thanks for you words. Namaste, suki

marianne said...

This is a hard time for you....
I already wrote a comment on this this morning but then my husband closed my pc and lost it was....
So sad of all these things people have collected all their life and then no one want it..... saturday we will go to my parents house and see who wants what and the rest has to be sold given or trown away.
i know I want very little as it is not my taste and my home is full.
The feeling of going inward is familiar....... I just don´t want to see people at this moment. Ok i do but not going on visits etc.....
I´m sure this will pass and Spring will do wonders as well. But I need this also just to be a lot with myself. I feel tired a lot and sleep a lot, guess it is all part of grieving.
The paintings you bought are lovely!
Suki, take care of yourself dear! You have had a difficult time behind with a lot of loss.
Big big hug from me

sukipoet said...

oh Marianne. a big hug to you from me. YOu too are going through a lot. I am glad you are sleeping extra. healing. Yes, I am hoping with spring weather so more energy will arise. both for me and for you. very hard what you are doing with your parents things.