Thursday, March 20, 2008

Rehab angel

I've shown this before. It's an angel mom made out of cloth and lace. She has made many through the years. Yesterday, we took mom to the rehab center for her to regain some strength. We had a family discussion first, and she felt it was good to go. I initiated the idea but I felt sad and tearful to send her away like that. My heart feels sad still which is a mix probably of the current situation and the knowledge that she may not be here much longer.

The blessing is that in the last 6 months we have come to know each other in a different way than in the past. I have seen my mom's sweet little habits such as using tatted hankies instead of Kleenex. She has been kind to me and generous. Much gentler than in our previous encounters. And I have let go of some of my defensiveness, though sad to say not all. It arises, I see what I'm doing and I amend it.


La journée de Miss Doodle said...

Oh Suki, I can feel what you must feel at the moment. I'm so sorry about this sadness. But I also feel glad for your that you seem to have come to terms with some issues in the past 6 months. It all sounds so forgiving, which is what makes the sadness less. I send you my love, and hope your mom regains energy in the rehab.

Cris in Oregon said...

So many changes for you in the last six months. You have found something you might never have found had you not given up a part of your life to take care of your mom...and that is YOU. You reconnected with your mom but you found YOU.
Sad tho it is she will be in good hands. Will this be for a long term or short? or does it depend?
My heart goes out to you.

Cris in Oregon said...

Will you have far to go visit her there? Benn meaning to ask how your Brothers wife is doing?

Lynn said...

Sorry you had to take mom to get help in a special place. I do remember having to do this with my mom. I love what you write about your changed relationship with her. This seems a real blessing for both of you.

Hugs to both of you Suki.

I am drawing you out by tagging you with something fun I hope. Come to my blog for instructions if you feel up to it.

marianne said...

So sad to read you had to bring your mother to a center, must feel a little like failure which isn't of course.
I visisited my mother wednesday on my way back from Amsterdam to Zierikzee, she lives in a rehab center in Rotterdam. I got stuck in traffic and I could only see her for 25 minutes. My father brought her some strawberries, so sweet.
I feel guilty a lot and afraid as well.
Good that you got to know your mother in a different way. Mother?daughter relation are sometimes complicated, I know all about it.....
Is the center close so you can visit her?
Wish you strenght!

sukipoet said...

Hello all. Tears come to my eyes as I read your lovely words.

The rehab center is a one hour round trip. The stay will be on a short term basis, it is not a nursing home but a place where people transit between hospital and home (or then if not home, I guess nursing home). I hope mom will come home in a couple of weeks barring any new health complications.

Really, feeling this sadness and tears is a gift as I tend not to cry and also tend to push away sad feelings or work them out via my craftwork. Which I had been unable to do for awhile but did do some y'day which helped.

Thanks Cris for asking abt SIL. Not good there either. Tumours probably moving into lungs, more pain, tendancy to fall more, lessening appetite. It is a lot of stress both on her of course and for my brother who is caring for her full time with help of Hospice nurses but they only come once or twice a weeks for a few hours.

Marianne, you too are going through seeing your mom vulnerabe and ill it sounds. Yes, a lot of fear arises. It is interesting and here my spiritual leanings and trainings help me some. To become ill, to die, these are natural things that happen to all living beings. For me the fear is from seeing someone who was once so strong, be so frail, in pain and so tired and unwell. Well, I am seeing two people going through this including my SIL right across the street.

Anyway thank s for all your kind words again and Lynn I'll check out the tag on your blog. Blessings and prayers, Suki

Claudia said...

Suki, thank you so much for your kind comments and mentioning my blog in your blog. - I'm very sorry that you have to go through a very difficult period of your life. Your blog entry is very thoughtful...I think, the most important thing in all of our relationships is l o v e. Sometimes, some people are not friendly to us, but nevertheless, they have some sort of love in them. And in the end, this is what counts...
Kind regards from

Forever Young said...

my heart is heavy as i write my mom died when i was only 34 and we were never able to reconcile our dreadful relationship, she tried to in a deathbed chat, but it was sadly too cherish it and value her and any time you have left together is a gift.hugs and warmth to you and your sil too.

Anonymous said...

How wonderful that your mom has been gentler and kinder with you. What a gift at such an important time.

human being said...

Suki, you are so blessed to have this chance to be able to experience a new relation with your mom ... to achieve that amendment.
You'll be always happy and thankful for this 'clearing up' of the soul.