Friday, February 08, 2008

Monkey Mind

Japanese Snow Monkey

I have allowed my nighttime monkey mind to influence me and have chosen to delay my trip until the weather is a bit warmer. Why say the details. We all have details and made up reasons for everything we do. And personally, I don't think these "reasons" matter much.

Mom said well maybe it's the right thing.

No right or wrong about it to me. It is just what my monkey mind has led me to. My body wants to get out of here and have some fun. My mind is afraid. Of the cold, of the miles of barren land to drive through with no people around, of .......who cares what my fears are. Fear is fear.

I have asked my friend if he will move my furniture into my storage unit and he said yes. So thank goddess for many blessings and friends. That is the practical part taken care of.

Now to get myself unfrozen, moving again into life instead of isolated here with trees and people who mostly sleep, and with good reason of course, and cats who mostly sleep. It is tempting, believe me, to crawl into my bed with the covers over my head, to yield to passivity and lassitude. But I must soldier on. Life is short. I do escape in my own way via books and movies, but frankly I'm getting tired of these activities.

Still, mom did say to me how much she appreciates what I am doing here. That made me feel good.


Cris in Oregon said...

Well I think your Monkey mind made the right decision. I know how much you looked forward to getting out with stimulating people but sometimes it is good to go with the gut feeling. We should never under estimate our gut feelings.
When the time is right you will go with a much easier feeling.

human being said...

Our monkey mind knows us better than anybody else. :)

I praise your longing for vitality in a place full of sleepiness!

I've got a feeling someone or something is waiting there to be discovered by you.

ANDREA said...

When I look at the pictures of the winter wonderland you are living and stucked in right now, I can understand those fears about driving through empty snowland for hours alone! Everything looks frozen, static, incredibly white. Beautiful too. Like in a frozen aquarium. Where do people go when they want to chat? Is the next town far away? What are the people living there do when they get tired of reading, tv and sleeping?
Soon, the snow will go away!

sukipoet said...

thanks cris. I think you are right.

hb--you make me laugh. Thank you for wording things so well. Vitality in a place full of sleepiness. So well put. You esp make me laugh with the feeling someone or someting is waiting here to be discovered by me. That is exactly what my friend M. says. Hmmm. I dont know. Maybe it is only myself that is waiting to be discovered.

Andrea. Thanks for those ideas. A lot of people up here do outdoor sports: ice fishing,ice skating, skiing both downhill and cross country, hunting, snowshoeing, snowboarding etc. I myself am a total clutz at all these activities. There is a nearby cafe I go to sometimes just to be around people and probably other events if I would drive at night. there are contra dances for example. Yeah to the snow going away soon. Thanks Suki