A view of the river.
Have been feeling very tired today, exhausted. Tried to take the photo of my crayon drawing several times and each time it was crooked so I'm just leaving it. Insomnia is difficult and leaves me cranky during the day. I know that what I'm doing here re: tasks is just what anyone who has a family does, but I have been reclusive for years and so all the driving, shopping and cooking for others feels like a lot to me re: energy output. To me who has perhaps selfishly lived alone for years and years tending mainly to myself except during family emergencies.
I am gaining much by doing this. The feeling that I AM part of a family. The sense that I am helping some people out with their lives. Also in a practical way, I am not paying rent or food or utilities which probably would add up to $1500 a month out in the real world.
I'm not sure if you'd call the above "complaining" or not. I am trying to take care of myself too in the sense of decorating the bedroom as I wish and creating a work space for myself, taking time to do some artwork and a few tentative reachings out into the community at large. Painting this little 10x11 room is taking DAYS. I can only paint for about an hour, and only on one wall at a time re: there is no space in which to put the furniture for more than one wall. So progress is slow.
Today is a beautiful day and I plan to just flow. I don't have to drive anywhere, yeah!!!, and part of the flow might be a walk, maybe painting one wall panel or two. Daydreaming, reading. Whatever flows up for me to do without plans or constraints and that is what I love. That I find so renewing and refreshing.