Saturday, November 10, 2007

Saturday feelings

A view of the river.

Have been feeling very tired today, exhausted. Tried to take the photo of my crayon drawing several times and each time it was crooked so I'm just leaving it. Insomnia is difficult and leaves me cranky during the day. I know that what I'm doing here re: tasks is just what anyone who has a family does, but I have been reclusive for years and so all the driving, shopping and cooking for others feels like a lot to me re: energy output. To me who has perhaps selfishly lived alone for years and years tending mainly to myself except during family emergencies.

I am gaining much by doing this. The feeling that I AM part of a family. The sense that I am helping some people out with their lives. Also in a practical way, I am not paying rent or food or utilities which probably would add up to $1500 a month out in the real world.

I'm not sure if you'd call the above "complaining" or not. I am trying to take care of myself too in the sense of decorating the bedroom as I wish and creating a work space for myself, taking time to do some artwork and a few tentative reachings out into the community at large. Painting this little 10x11 room is taking DAYS. I can only paint for about an hour, and only on one wall at a time re: there is no space in which to put the furniture for more than one wall. So progress is slow.

Today is a beautiful day and I plan to just flow. I don't have to drive anywhere, yeah!!!, and part of the flow might be a walk, maybe painting one wall panel or two. Daydreaming, reading. Whatever flows up for me to do without plans or constraints and that is what I love. That I find so renewing and refreshing.

River II

6 comments:

ANDREA said...

This river is beautiful. You sure live at an amazing place. It must give you strength to do what you do, looking after your mom and caring for her. Have a beautiful day, letting it flow:)

Your photos are wonderful.

Mary Richmond said...

It's interesting reading your post as I am one of those busy people that has been wrapped up in family stuff for years and now have more time to myself. It's refreshing to have another point of view. I remember years ago thinking a woman saying "my time, my space" was pure fantasy. When, where? I wanted to know....I think you're making a nice space for yourself and you're definitely being creative so something about it seems to be good for you. Going with the flow sounds like the best way to....go with the flow!! Who knows where this river will lead you?????

Elizabeth said...

I am glad you carve time out of your days just for yourself and the dreamy part of your nature... so healthy. Balance is the key to all isn't it?

I am also glad that you are finding fulfillment in helping your family.

Just sat watching the river flow.... :-)

Cris in Oregon said...

beautiful pictures.

I missed this somehow this morning it wasnt here when I looked.

Sometimes uprooting oneself can be a bit much.. and you gave up your own space too. I know that I was kind of in a daze for awhile when we moved here. due to some very good reasons for sure, but it does take a tole. There really is no hurry to get things done.

I gave up alot years ago to help with my Mom when she got cancer and It was hard and tiring but I have never regretted one minute of that time. It was so worth it. You will look back and be glad you helped out.
Hope you had a nice peaceful day and recuperated.

sukipoet said...

Thanks all for your kind and heartening thoughts. I did paint a wall, then took a lovely walk in the fresh air. That made me feel grounded. Being in nature is always so good.

Lynn said...

I didn't hear any complaining at all. I heard a report on what you are doing and how it feels to you.
Nothing wrong with that.
Glad you are having some "me time" too. A nice balance.
The photo is refreshing to me and asks for a walk near by.