"Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you. " David Whyte
Of course, this I know. And this and other things I never "learn" but must go on relearning and rediscovering. So much soul searching going on to no concrete avail.
This is why "The King's Speech" moved me. He had HELP overcoming his blockage to moving forward. Not to mention he resisted the help for quite some time. But the helping person persisted. As did he.
We all have areas in our lives where we need help. And frankly I think it quite honest and mature to be able to pinpoint the area and ask for help!!! We New Englanders have some sort of Puritan and stoic tradition to uphold which says never ask for help. But I overcame that when I lived amongst other humans who were always helping each other out as a matter of course.
Those of you with partner's, husbands, wives, and living in areas where there are people as opposed to trees and bugs, just cannot comprehend ( I don't think) what it is like to live in banishment from other human beings. To go day after day with no conversation with others, even shopkeepers as who needs to shop every day. So why do I stay here?
Actually two different people offered to help me recently. One said would I be willing to let someone else pick out the house/condo and do the process for me. Another asked how might they help, leaving the mode open. I know my friend A. and D. and C. and another C. on Cape Cod have helped in the past and are willing to help now.
At this point I am so tired of seeing places from the past two years that I have no enthusiasm for renewed house searching although I recently viewed a condo and a single family foreclosure locally.
I feel like a gerbil on her wheel going round and round and thinking I am getting somewhere but in reality I am not. Just treading the same old path.
Photos: wild mustard and apple tree about to bloom when the rain ceases and the sun comes out