Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Dots and Jots and Stevie Smith
I have not been posting much because I feel my life is uninteresting at the moment. Like Alice on her chess square, I keep running and running and "getting nowhere." I know spiritually speaking there is no where to "get." I keep that in mind as I churn and turn with the falling leaves-- to mix my metaphors.
As Stevie Smith, that wonderful British poet said, "I am not waving, but drowning." Have any of you seen that sad but wonderful movie called "Stevie" staring Glenda Jackson?? With Mona Washbourne as the "Lion aunt." I wish I had a copy as I'd like to see it now.
Last week I looked at two houses for a second time. I looked for the first time at three homes about one hour away in or near Peterborough. I am running to get there before winter, before my rent goes up quite a big leap. I have lowered my price range so now the places I am seeing tend to the very shabby. They tend to not have a garage (a necessity up here with the snow). They tend to be dark and depressing.
At times I feel it is my just punishment for not being a responsible person in my younger years. For not building up enough Social Security points to sustain me now in my old age. Or at least providing myself with a pension. On the other hand, looking at the larger world, I am quite lucky and rich for I have clothing, food, shelter.
I know my thinking mind is my enemy. I think too much. I hesitate too long.
Yet, if you met me in person, you might think me a sweet elderly lady, quiet, a good listener, interested in your life stories, even cheerful as I would be thrilled to be in your presence. A sort of exterior contradiction to my inner mind babbles.
It's all beyond what my little brain can understand or sort out.
Blessings to ye all. How wonderful we are on the earth together in this time and all journeying on our paths and waving (not drowning) to each other from wherever we are.