Tomato Soup and Anorexia

My brother gave me a huge bag of tomatoes from his garden. Half the bag I cooked up into tomato sauce and froze. But I still had a huge bunch left and today was inspired to make tomato soup.

After looking up some recipes I created my own version. Most recipes suggest skinning and seeding the tomatoes before cooking. But why? You end up processing the tomatoes and straining them. So, forget skinning. I just sauted onions, celery, garlic and dried basil until soft. Added cubed tomatoes and a little water. Cooked for 20 minutes. Then gave it a whirl it in the blender. Then strained. Seemed a pity to throw away all that tomato seed and chunklets but there is no use for them that I know of.

The resulting broth was delicious though thin. Some recipes advise making a roux (flour, butter and milk) and then adding the tomato broth to it for a creamy soup, but I was too lazy. You can use chicken broth instead of water for even more flavor. You might add some rice or cheese. A lovely light meal.



Meanwhile a couple of weeks ago I awoke at midnight and said, "Oh my goodness, I'm anorexic." I proceeded to the kitchen where I found an empty refrigerator and a loaf of bread so I made two slices of toast and determined to eat more. (This because two people recently commented on how thin I was, one even asking me if I'd been ill.)

I began making milk shakes to try to put on weight. Now, three weeks later, the scale has gone up a pound. I love milk shakes and ice cream but for years have cut back on dairy because it is mucus forming. I drink soy milk but for my shakes I purchased some real milk.

Meanwhile I picked up a novel by Hilary Mantel called An Experiment in Love and on the first page were these words: "...people at any age may decide to starve." And further on, "They must decide on nourishment, they must choose."

Onward. I don't really think I am anorexic as I dont have the body image (thinking you are heavy when in fact you are thin) etc. But why have I not risen about 100 lbs for the last two years??? And I am starving myself in other ways besides food, keeping all my precious soul nourishing things in boxes including art supplies, not demanding the floor be repaired and the washer set up so I now must truck off to the laundry mat, keeping myself imprisoned here instead of stepping out into the world?

There are no answers to this. But I am trying to eat more. Although I don't really think the tomato soup will add on any pounds, the making of it and eating it feeds my soul.