Wednesday, May 26, 2010

cemetery

I stopped by the Pine Grove Cemetery this morning to leave a jar of rhododendrons for Mom and Dad. I walked around to see how other families decorated their grave sites. It's a waste to plant small flowers in the ground unless you return to water them. Although one grave had a cluster of beautiful Japanese iris, those thin ones. Some had small evergreen bushes planted. Both these looked nice.

Dad was cremated and after some talk with Mom, we all decided to bury Dad with Mom in her coffin. A coffin and grave plot was Mom's choice of burial. This seems appropriate to me as Mom spent years tracing both her ancestors and Dad's and part of that is looking at grave stones for the dates and information. Now, their presence on earth is marked. Also it is nice for me to have a place to go to and visit.

When my friend Richard died (we had lived together for 6 years) he was cremated and his ashes scattered in his fiance's yard. So of course, I couldn't go visit his grave. Which I would have done had he had one.

When my dear friend and almost second husband Mort, the Bard of Kent, Ohio, died he was buried in his hometown of Alliance Ohio next to his Mom and Dad. In fact, maybe it's an Ohio thing but his parents had bought a grave plot for him. All ready and waiting. I have another friend from the same town whose parents did the same thing for her.

My ex-husband was cremated and my son still hasn't figured out a way to scatter his ashes in the Connecticut river so they sit in son's apartment. He feels they would just blow away if we scattered them from a bridge. Then he thought about paddling into the river in a canoe to scatter them. I said I'd wait on the shore. I haven't been in a boat in years despite being a Cape Cod gal.

I guess we think about these sort of things on Memorial Day.

Namaste, Suki

15 comments:

Lisa at Greenbow said...

It certainly is the type of thing one thinks of on this weekend. I can remembrer my Mother taking me to her parents gravesite during this time to honor them. I hope your visit gave you peace.

studio lolo said...

That's a nice offering Suki. I see they're your mom's favorite.

I planted little evergreen shrubs at my parent's grave site. One bush died pretty quickly and according to my brother the other one has been removed. They're buried about an hour from here. Going there is on my list of things to eventually do.
At a visit to their graves last year,my nephew caught my brother "telling my parents" that I was back now and I'd take care of them. That really touched me.

By the way, I'd love to paint something in your new home! I'm honored you asked. It would be my housewarming gift ;)

Let's hope for some thunder showers this evening to cool things off a bit. Whew!

Blessings to you this Memorial Day weekend.

Lynn said...

Yes we do. Both my parents were cremataed. Mom's ashes are in my back yard under the redwood trees. Dads I think got scattered at sea by mom.
I guess I'll choose the same for myself.
I have a hard time with either...really...I guess because I have not yet allowed myself to understand that dead is dead and you don't feel the process after that. LOL Sorry, but it's true so I mostly choose not to think about it.

willow said...

Most of my family, including my grandparents are buried in rural Indiana. I wish I lived close enough to visit this weekend and leave some peonies on my grandmother's grave, since they were her favorite.

Annie said...

Pretty flowers fro your mom and dad.
I don't think of death often, but sometimes you have to. My dad is buried far away and I have never visited his grave. He is not there anyway. Everyone has their own ideas on death, mine is that it is not real and that the spirit lives forever.
xoxo

Cris, Artist in Oregon said...

Interesting post. My parents were cremated and scattered at sea. I keep them in my memory as they are in Gods memory.

layers said...

yes, remembering lost ones is year round, but especially on this coming weekend

Natalya Aikens said...

I love cemeteries, whether I have someone there to visit or not.. I'll be visiting one in VT this weekend...

Mary said...

it's funny to read this first thing this morning since we are helping a friend with an estate sale this weekend...also, we visit and bring flowers to our parents' gravesites at various times of year. my parents bought a large set of plots in a local cemetery so we all know where we'll be...right with our neighbors and friends (my across the street neighbors for almost 30 years are actually right across from us in the cemetery, too--well, he is--she still lives across the real street ;-) we will probably be cremated but still have small headstones...it's nice to visit...

Robin said...

Sad, but lovely post, Suki. The flowers you left were beautiful...and I think your Mum STILL liks them and is happy you brought them.

I miss visiting my parent's graves. My Mum is buried in Ohio with her family. (She wanted to be where there are four seasons.)
I have not been there for many years. My Father is buried in Half Moon Bay - about 45 minutes from SF - but impossible to get to without a car - and I no longer have one. I know they both are not really "there"....because their spirts live on...but, as you said, it is comforting to have someplace to go, sit and reflect...

Enjoy that warm weather....I would give anyhting for it. (STILL colf and rainy here....)

Love,

♥ Robin ♥

Marion said...

I love reading the headstones at cemeteries! So many questions arise about the people who lived sometimes years before me. I'm filled with questions about their lives and can wander my way through cemeteries for hours. It's a great place to "talk" with the departed.

chewy said...

um... not only a Ohio thing... some years back, my parents went out to purchase their grave plots. Little did I know they had also purchased one for ME! My reply was, "thank you, I guess I had no choice in the decision". Anyway, they meant well... and after my Mom died I went with Dad to pick out her stone. Dad bought one for himself... so I bought one for myself. - My bed is made. (smile)

chewy said...

Oh... and I made sure it says "Loving daughter and ARTIST" on my gravestone!

marianne said...

I am fond of graves and graveyards. I want to be burried.
My dad was cremated. Half of his ashes we scattered in Sweden last year and the other half is upstairs in my house. Think we will scatter them the 6th of June.
And gone they are........
i love a grave better.
Before we scatter the rest I will scoop out a little bit to keep it in a beautiful holder.

Hope your memorial day was beautiful!
hugs
>M<

Katiejane said...

Interesting post, Suki. Isn't it interesting how we choose to honor our loved ones? When my dad died when I was 30 he was cremated and scatterd and I longed for some kind of grave or memorial where I could go to talk to him. I suppose it gives us closure. It's good to have a day in the year set aside for remembering no matter where you do it.