Friday, December 04, 2009

Remembering Mom

Mom died last year on December 4th. Here she is in the famous photo, wearing her red glass heart made by Leslie McIver in New Zealand. Some of you know this, but I bought the heart for Mom's birthday on December 8th. Luckily I gave it to her a few weeks ahead of the birthday, so she got to wear it for awhile. I never imagined I'd miss Mom so much. Our last year together, when I lived with Mom, was one of coming to know each other in a completely different way.

Here is Mom and my son.
Mom and me. One thing I learned was that Mom always loved me, always wanted to help me. The younger me viewed "help" as an indicator that I wasn't doing things right. Or as interference. I never wanted help, unless I asked for it, and I rejected it any number of times from both my parents. I see now that it was my attitude that created a barrier and that if I had changed my attitude, our relationship through the years would have been so much smoother.

Still, my attitude did change in this last year we lived together. I could see Mom for the truly sweet, near Buddha-like soul she became. I (selfishly) miss her continual interest in the minor doings of my life. She lived her last year with courage and bravery and dignity. Love ya, Mom. Thank you.

19 comments:

Lynn said...

Sweet memories Suki, made me tear up. I do remember the heart and using it in my little quiltlet for you to remember her by with her fabrics. I still have those and they will get used again.
Oh the wisdom of old age. I wish we got more of it earlier.
Happy Birthday and Anniversary Suki's mom.

Annie said...

Has it been a year already? This is a sweet, loving post and I am sure your mom is still taking an interest in what you are up to :-).

Cris, Artist in Oregon said...

Oh Suki, One year already. I think it was a very precious thing you having the privilage of being there in her last year and getting to really know each other. She knew how much you loved her, and you know how much she loved you. Always hold on to that. The past is just that. The past. No regrets ever. A very nice tribute to her.

Teri and the cats of Furrydance said...

As Annie said, the year...I think I was just getting to know you and know blogging then. And yes, the heart...I remember that and the lovely picture of your mom in the blue with that red heart laying near her own heart. Very special memories for all of us out here in the blogosphere and I know difficult for you right now. I have lately had fears of losing my mom, she's 80 now and will enjoy spending Christmas with her (I want to fit in a spa day maybe?)

marianne said...

Oh what a touching post Suki.
So sad to miss people. Memories are sweet but sometimes there is pain in heart as well.
This will be a hard period for you.
How time flies......

Take car Suki!

patti said...

We do miss our parents when they have gone, but really they are still with us in so many of the little things we do and say every day.

It's a lovely photo of your Mom, one to treasure.

Lisa at Greenbow said...

I hope you are more at peace now. What a wonderful time you had in that last year together. Truly a blessing.

sukipoet said...

Thanks all for your comments. Mom remains close to my heart, as I wear her red heart around my neck I remember her sweetness and goodness.

Clevelandgirlie said...

November was the anniversary of my Mom's death. It IS a very bittersweet time. We are a bit more sensitive to the loss at this time, but also more receptive to the sweetness of the memories. My heart is with you, Suki - and so is your Mom.

~Babs said...

I remember too, and love the red heart photo.
I know you're very glad to have shared her last year, and that it was good for both of you.
It's almost 2 years now that my Mom passed. Although she was unresponsive on my last vist the week before, at one point she raised her head and said my name outloud.It was the last thing she spoke,,,and my heart filled to overflowing.On some level, she knew I was there, and let me know.
Thinking of you as you remember her, and I'm glad you wear the red heart.
smilin',,,

studio lolo said...

I can't believe it's been a whole year already.

She has the most lovely face. I can tell she was a woman who lived a life of grace.

Big hug to you Suki. I understand the empty spot.

Kim said...

Suki, you took some of us back to this time in your life. I appreciate hearing about your insights. I think we all come to realize we often perceive things differently when we are younger. As always you are so wise to see your relationship with your mother as a truly loving one. I am sure your mother knew her daughter was loving, wise and so graceful. You brought her much joy, Suki!

Thank you for sharing this beautiful memory.

soulbrush said...

oh suki i remember this so well, is it really a whole year? seems like yesterday, but then it also seems like years. i love this photo, the blue and the heart of course. my print of the one i did for you hangs in my room above where i work, right in front of me, always seen, never forgotten, rip mom.

kj said...

oh suki, your love spills over and everywhere here. this is so sweet and honest and loving. i think it has been just a year for me too, visiting your blog. i too remember this picture and i remember thinking how much wisdom and grace in your mother's face.

she lives in your heart, suki, and you in hers. no doubt she watches over and still tries to help as she always did.

xoxo

deepazartz said...

A very moving post...thought I out of place here, still I wanted to comment as I am moved and I am reminded of my mom and the bond I share with her.

'God cannot be everywhere so he created mothers'...

Wishing you the very best

Deepa from
http://deepazworld.blogspot.com/

m. heart said...

I've been thinking of your mom a lot lately, remembering her passing last year and how you'd decided to give her that heart early. Thank goodness for intuition to guide us.

Mim said...

I also can't believe it's only 1 year, and I love that RedHeart picture - the red heart against the blue outfit is like life itself.
I can relate to your discussion about accepting help - how hard that is. Be well Suki

parisdreamtime said...

Suki, this time you shared with your mom, and also with us here on your blog: What a gift this was for both of you, having the chance to get together and re-visit each other's personalities, to smooth things out by just letting the other person be what and how he/she is.
A big hug to you, Andrea

Caroline said...

Suki, what a lovely post - what a super pic of your Mom with her heart necklace - something to treasure, for sure!