Been avoiding writing about this lest I be boring, but Marianne kindly asked what was happening and I feel all you kind folks deserve an update. I did not buy the house. I did not lose a 5 figure sum of money, whew! I don't know why I backed out. Fear? Cowardice? Wanting to stay an irresponsible child? 
I could probably go on and on analyzing this but in a sense, who cares? I don't mean that in a negative way. I just mean, goodness Suki there are folks out there in much pain and in traumatic circumstances and you are just dealing with trying to buy a house.
I am pretty sure I am learning things about myself. I do know I want to unpack my boxes, hang all the artworks I have bought and collected just for my new house, get settled in and so forth. I do not want to stay here on the farm. The other day I walked around the property and talked to Mom and Dad. I told them I love it here, it is beautiful and I thanked them for my time here.
But I told them I needed to move on. Thanks to all who sent such wonderful thoughts and advice around my dilemma. I appreciate all the comments and have read them a number of times. Soon....soon.Paintings are ATC sized watercolors done last week
23 comments:
Thank goodness you didn't lose a 5 figure sum of money. Thanks for the update.
I especially like the first house ATC. Bright and cheery.
How about, you backed out because it was not the right house for you?
We all learn as we go and you are indeed learning :-). I love that second card best!
I'd trade you for any of the top three ATCs my fav...well can't decide on a fav. Like them all.
I like your walk about and talk with parents...bidding the place farewell with appreciation for time spent there.
I trust the universe will steer you there eventually to those walls where you will hang your art.
Beautiful paintings! Thank you very much for the update. I don't find this subject boring at all...I was dying to hear what was up. I love how you are able to see inside yourself and have no qualms about talking to your late parents or parts of yourself. Don't worry, it's coming. OH, and I'm really glad you didn't lose a 5-figure sum!
Love your ATC's Suki!
It seems like maybe you needed to let go of where you were, both physically & emotionally first, before being able to move on to your own new life. Maybe now things will flow for you.
So good you are not out of pocket. Keep looking! Thanks for keeping us posted :)
Thanks for the update Suki. So happy you didn't lose the money. She did push you when you said back off. I hope you attain your dream of finding your dream home. These ATCs are great. Love the 3rd one.
oh suki!
these watercolors make my heart sing.
it's happening, suki. you're shifting gears. but you know that already.
is it too soon to tell how i am happy for you? i don't think so...
love to you suki,
kj
Suki, it's true that we can over focus on a desire...I love your chat walk with your parents. Eventually everything will work out, whatever you decide.
so funny - I was just about to ask you what had happened, thought I had missed something.
Maybe it wasn't the right house for you, I just hope you aren't letting fear be your guide.
love the ATC's
Chewy, a sigh of relief over the money thing.
Annie, I hope I am learning but sometimes I wonder.
OK Lynn. I'll send you one of the top 3. Yes, I think the walk about and talk about was releasing for me. I hope.
kelly, well living alone as I do I often talk to myself. Outloud even. And i have always felt i could talk to the departed. I'm not saying I think they can hear me. But i think it is something for me to do to stay feeling connected with them.
Thanks Patti. I know. I dont know why it is so hard to say goodbye to this spot where Mom and Dad lived for 30 years. But i need to do it.
Cris, yes. And when I said to her that she called me, then all the right things happened re: getting out of the offer.
KJ thanks. Yes, even my friend A., who telephones me several times a week, noted that he heard a shift in my voice and attitude. I think that's right. I feel it inside.
Cynthia, I guess there is no one answer. Just trying to flow with what happens. Have been trying too hard.
Mim, i do struggle with fear. also, how to distinguish fear from excitement.
Suki, these paintings are wonderful. I am quite sure doing this art will help you move forward with what is right for you. That is the most important thing. It also seems as though your conversation with your parents is a step in the direction you need to go. I am sure they completely understand.
Personally, I think it takes a lot of strength to do what you did about that house! You are amazing!
i wrote a huge long comment and then it disappeared, boo hoo. what i was saying in a nutshell is that i know that you know that when you are really ready you will do it. i like that so many people come along to your blog and then you have complete discussions with them-it becomes like a huge forum, very cool.
It is probably for a good reason you backed out. You will find out later I guess.
I am sure the right house will present itself to you. Good you know you want to get out there and want a place of your own, that's a start.
LOVE those houses you made especially the last 2 ones, they are so lovely!!
Thanks for the update.
Take care dear! And keep your eyes and heart open for that ONE house just for you!
Well, first of all, let me say that your little watercolor houses are adorable! I love to draw and paint houses; don't know why.
Secondly, as I've said before, it will happen when it's supposed to and not before. One day you will see the "perfect" house for you and you will know it. In the meantime, paint more houses! I love them.
I love your little house watercolours.
You're right about others being in far worse predicaments than yourself. Good to get things in perspective. And breathe. And say farewells. And make art. And share.
Thanks.
Love the last home painting best.
Beautiful colors!
Whew! on not losing that cash. I'm so glad, Suki!
Like many of us have said before:
Your house waits,,,,it's not going anywhere.
Kim thanks for the positive feedback. Also, i hadnt done any painting in a long while. Everything is packed except the watercolors. So finally I doodle with them and I think that affected the sense of flow I feel in now.
Soulbrush, thanks for your kind words. I like the forum too when i happens. Fun.
Katie Jane, thanks for the comments on the paintings. I will be playing w/watercolors some more as they are the only unpacked paints. although I find them very hard.
Marianne, thank you. I find your faith that i will find a place heartwarming. It is less the place, more me that steps in my way. Ah well.
louciao, breathe. that's what I need to remember.
babs, thanks for the comments on the paintings. I have been feeling the colors are coming out muddy. And thanks for your faith and trust in the future.
My prayers continue.
It takes time to heal . . . let your heart lead your mind, but make sure they are BOTH coming with you wherever you go/stay.
; D
It's a blustery day around my cottage . . . just right for some tea. Wish you were closer so we could share a prayer over the fragrance of some good white jasmine tea. MMmmmmmm . . .
Be blessed today and expect the blessings to continue on and on and on . . .
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