Monday, August 24, 2009

flowers and fruits of late summer

Goldenrod. Such a cheerful color. I need this yellow in my eyes as I am feeling very low. I seem to be getting nowhere. I thought a life coach might help me and she did! (thank you, thank you) but she does not seem to want to continue with the coaching. Why? Am I a lost case? Maybe it is because when she offered suggestions I always had to counter with another idea and perspective. Yes, that is true sometimes, but other times..... Maybe my know- it- all attitude grated.

Dad's legacy. Two apple trees. Unsprayed, they produce imperfect apples. He used to tend to them and both trees gave gorgeous, big and delicious apples. It is my own fault, this place I am in. I did not grab a house when I could. I was a coward and I allowed my resistance to change to overpower my desire for change. Now, most of the lower priced Cape Cod homes (which I have toured) have sold in a late August flurry of activity. My timidity and hesitancy has imprisoned me in a world of isolation and self-accusation. Why are you so slow and careful?

Some purple weed. I sit here, day after day, doing nothing. Putting drops in Bibs' eyes three times a day. Reading. I am just about fully packed-- ready to go. What will it take to get me moving? What do I need to do now? My energy is low. I am tired of myself. I am turning off reader comments for this post. I don't want to take up you all's time with my ridiculous going round in circles self. Yet I wanted to journal these complaints. Thank you for listening.