Saturday, August 09, 2008
Stuck here on the farm with the Cape Cod blues again, to echo Bob Dylan. No humans to talk to. Drive 50 miles to find people. No appetite. Food seems dull. Drooling for a meatloaf. Ruined it due to adding ketchup that was almost black. Dated 2006. Had to throw it all out.
Hokay. Wrote another list of how I can amend my distress. Find people who do things I resonate with. Take an art class, yoga, meditation, herbs, poetry. But where, where, where? Everything so far far far away. Drive for two hours for a one hour something. Exhausted. Make mom dinner every night by 4:30. Same dull salad of cut up and peeled cukes and tomatoes (for her, it's what she wants). Same boring glass of milk.
Mom: Takes percoset. The prescription got lost in the mail. Anxiety. She might run out. Me: two trips to the pharmacy with no success. Now, on Monday I will have to drive in one direction to the Doctors and another to the pharmacy to turn in the new prescription. Why does this make me so angry? She's been taking this drug for years.
Got to let go. The drug helps her manage her pain. She does well for a 90 year old. What do I know about pain. I have only emotional pain. I take chocolate or craft therapy. Rain and more rain for the week to come and for weeks behind. Must take care of me. That's it. No need for worry. Just grouchy.
Pictures are of cards I made. 1) collage 2 and 3) tissue paper with oil pastel and embedded plants or leaves etc.